Science Monomania

On a dark desert campus, cool wind in my hair

Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

I had to stop for the talk

There I stood in the doorway;

I heard the session bell

And I was thinking to myself this could be heaven or this could be hell

Then I lit up a beamer, and I showed them my way

There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Science Monomania

Such a lovely place, such a lovely race

Plenty of fools at the Science Monomania

Any time of year, you can find them here

They are h-factor twisted, got citation sickness

They got a lot of pretty famous work,

that they call art

How they talked in the meetings,

years after years

Some talk to remember, Some talk to forget

So I called up my student; Please bring me my mac (I said)

I haven't had that spirit here since I was in the lab

and still those voices are calling from far away

Wake you up in the middle of the night

Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Science Monomania

Such a lovely place, such a lovely race

Plenty of fools at the Science Monomania

Any time of year, you can find them here

Honours and then falling; all the fame is past (and I said)

We are all just prisoners here, of our own device

And with their impact factor,

They gathered for the feast

They stab it with their steely knives

but they just can't kill the beast

Last thing I remember,

I was running for the door

I had to find the passage back

to the lab I was before

"Relax" said the grant man;

we are programmed to receive

You can check in anytime you like, 

But you can never leave...